During the Composition of "Rising, Falling, Hovering": A Personal Document of the War, of Mexico, and an American Family's Halting Progress

She worked in the negative. She worked against herself. Always. If she were to get the hang of something, she took it as a signal to try something another way, i.e., eliminate punctuation so as to face the bare ground on which the words are affixed. Learn where the silence is freighted, where it secures an emptiness, where it marks the spot, and where it stands in for syntax. The line responds to punctuation's absence--flush left, indent, hit tab, and distribute across the page with caesurae. These are not radical maneuvers, but it takes (at least for some) a great deal of force over a very short distance to push the mule. One is taking new stock of breath, cadence, phrasing. One is looking for an alternate route. That is one way. The other way is to go at it the same as before. If it worked then, why not now. Just as legitimate. The possibility exists that it is the most assured way of really getting down in there. It could be termed repeating oneself. But even that is harder to do than one would have thought except when unintentional. Then it is just unfortunate. It is termed slipping. But making a calculated effort to repeat tended to bring her to the exact same spot as before--the spot where access was sealed off. If she had to come back to the sealed-off area again and again, at least she could alter the course. Even driving home, with her at the wheel, she drove him crazy, taking so many routes. So inefficient, such a waste of time, when the goal was to get there--to, in fact, be there. The buildup to the war, our xxx-rated creepshow, was underway. Its inevitably Its inevitability came with the spoiled election of 2000. In the wake of the September attacks, the countdown could proceed at an accelerated pace and in public view since now the public would have to pay both in dollars and blood. The family went to Mexico. They were often going to Mexico for one reason or another. Or no reason. Mexico beckoned; they went. Growing up, the Rio Grande was the only national border her body passed over. In her early twenties, she took an unplanned trip to the Yucatan, traveling through the peninsula on second-class buses with her college roommate--no itinerary, no luggage, no money--just go go go. From a humid colonial hotel in Merida to a freezing, dilapidated compound in San Cristobal. And some years after that, a fellowship from the NEA prompted her to quit her job at The Poetry Center and move with her then boyfriend to Dolores Hidalgo. He had finished his graduate degree and was working at the methadone clinic. They both quit. First they drove from San Francisco to her family home in Arkansas. They left his car in her parents' driveway, which means they followed each other from California, a long-distance fact she had all but forgotten. Her father was so alarmed by the US OUT OF EL SALVADOR bumper sticker on her car that he scraped it off while they slept. He was afraid they would be jumped in Arkansas or strung up in Texas before they ever saw the crazy blue skies of Mexico. She had an extra sticker in her glove compartment and promptly replaced the one he had removed. It was luck that they chose to take her car and not her boyfriend's because hers used leaded gas, though they weren't cognizant of this advantage beforehand. When they crossed the border, they had to pay the border guard a mordita. It did not bode well for how they were going to negotiate in country, but "the bite" was never exacted again. She remembered her then boyfriend musing, hmmm, things are in a different language over here, and so they were, and on they went over the pitted, shoulderless highway. Cows soaking up the heat off the asphalt in the evening and goats tinkling across by day. The first night they backed the station wagon up against a crumbling wall and checked into a dirty, windowless room in San Luis Potosi, an experience they never needed to repeat, staying in cheap, lovely hotels in many pueblos to come. They thought they were going to take up residence in Guanajuato, a random destination, but when they slid down the hill into the city on failing brakes, they had a change of heart and returned to Dolores Hidalgo, the tranquil, historic town they passed through en route to Guanajuato. …