On the Utter Irrelevance of LPL Graduate Students: An Unbiased Survey by Steward Observatory Graduate Students

We present a new analysis of the irrelevance of Lunar and Planetary Laboratory (LPL) graduate students at the University of Arizona. Based on extensive Monte Carlo simulations we find that the actual number of useful results from LPL graduate students is $0\pm0.01 (5\sigma)$. Their irrelevance quotient far surpasses that of string theorists.