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This chapter focuses on another aspect of Tim's letter: when their remaining children confessed to feeling like their mother had abandoned them after Jack's death. They said that when they lost their brother, they also lost their mother. The author tries to explain why she had kept her family at arms' length during that time, stating that she was spiraling into an emotional black hole and did not want to drag her daughters into it. She acknowledges that constantly running away helped her to move on. Yet she also realizes that it was selfish of her to disconnect from her family like this, and wishes that she could have done things differently.
This chapter takes a look at Jack's childhood from the moment of his birth, providing snapshots of various memories throughout the years of his brief life. Jack was, contrary to the nihilistic teenager later in life, a happy boy. He was also quite the colorful character, with a multitude of interests and friends gathered over the years. The chapter reminisces on his changing relationship with his mother as well, as he went from the perpetually smiling “Happy Jack” as a toddler to what the author calls “that embarrassed-but-still-happy-to-be-with-me stage.” The writer also laments that they had never truly taken the time to get to know Jack's friends, which meant that a significant part of her son will always be out of her reach.
This chapter focuses on the phrase, “give up the ghost.” It mulls over various interpretations of the saying and how it relates to the author's life. The first meaning refers to the changing seasons, as the author waits for autumn to turn into winter. The second meaning is freeing up space in the author's mind for thoughts other than a dead son. Indeed, the author considers that it might be time for her son to stop haunting the house with his presence—or lack thereof. In so doing the chapter ruminates on the need to move on, yet still preferring to dwell upon the familiarity of the absence/presence of Jack.
This chapter recounts the time the author had applied to Goucher College's MFA program in creative nonfiction. At the time, Goucher's was the only program which dealt exclusively in nonfiction—a boon for an author who wanted to focus on the subject. The chapter thus chronicles the author's academic career during this period, including the selection of a thesis topic (and why it should not be about Jack) and illuminating process of archival research. During this time the author was not thinking about her grief but focusing on where her research led-down a historical rabbit hole of vigilantism, the Civil War, train robberies, Midwestern gangs, and the Pinkerton Detective Agency. In doing so, the author was able to find an outlet for something other than grief during the three-year MFA program.
A testament to a woman’s patience, the cross-stitch canvas illustrating this special issue of E-Rea is drawn from Dante Gabriel Rossetti’s 1868 oil painting, Il Ramoscello (Harvard Art Museums/Fogg Museum). The completed canvas was given as a gift; through its physical presence as well as symbolic resonance, it obliquely introduces some of the issues discussed in this volume. First, the image is not a painting but a three-dimensional object that is meant not only to replicate the original pai...
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